On-line Infidelity

couple making love

Dipping your toe in the water re casual dating is not for the faint hearted. Neither it appears is it just for singles! The web site Ashley Madison, specialises in pairing up bored, like-minded-and specifically for people who are already involved in long-term relationships. Not surprisingly is the fact that bankers are amongst their many clients.

This business has gone from a niche start up business to a major player, with a reported 34m users in 46 different countries, and including 1. 2m users in the United Kingdom. Infidelity is according to Biderman, (a former sports attorney), less costly than having a mistress, he worked on the theory that sports personality’s spent too much time and too much money on having and maintaining a mistress, (sounds a little like Victorian Britain, rather than Britain 2015). He setup a website in 2002 and named it after the most popular girls name in that period, Ashley and Madison.

Morally it is a bit of a maze, some people suggest that, (including of course the website owner), this type of site saves marriages, as it allows the restless to let off a bit of steam. Most of us accept that divorce is now a part of western culture, morally okay, however according to a recent report, “married men and married women having affairs” falls outside of the bounds of moral decency.

If you consider the turmoil that ensues, emotionally and financially when ending a marriage, and the fact that a large percentage of marriages end when one partner has been unfaithful, does it not make sense to keep an affair hidden, which is the premise of the website?

Well it all boils down to the fact or principle of deceit, lies and cheating. Some of us will find this morally unacceptable. It is estimated that forty per cent of couples will be affected by an affair, but the majority of married people do not have affairs. It is for the individual to make up their own mind.

So getting back to on-line casual dating, it is intended for single like-minded people who may simply not have the time for a fulltime committed relationship. For some it maybe that you have just gotten out of a relationship and want something slightly more low key. It is easy to get the lines blurred in relationships, so it requires a little bit of effort if you want a successful hook up.

It makes sense to set yourself some rules, remember that casual relationships are more relaxed, they do not require the same emotional input/investment. This means that they will generally be shorter and to some extent easier to walk away from.

It is up to the individuals to set the rules before, and maintain the rules during the relationship. The need to be honest upfront is really important, just because it’s casual it does not mean that you should treat people any differently, what I mean by that is the high standards you would set with a boy/girlfriend should still be used when dating casually. Have some integrity.

If you are seeing someone else on a casual basis, do you talk about it to a n other person that you are dating?  You are not under any obligation to tell, simple as that, ignorance is bliss in this type of situation, if you discuss this before (guidelines) then there should not be any real problem with who else you date on a casual basis.

Have fun, casual dating does not imply that the only thing you do is hook up for sex. Go to the pub, play games, get charged up for sex…Keeping things in the here and now, (you can do this by being mindful), as focusing on the present stops you from including each other in the future, (hope that makes sense).

How many times a week do you meet? My money is on once a week, this helps to avoid emotional investment/entanglement. Seeing each other more than this may suggest that you are moving on from the casual. Communicating outside of the given time frame, (once a week), daily phone calls for a chat provides a greater level/impact on the relationship. This type of boundary is up to you, again you set the guidelines from the beginning. Casual relationships are meant to be fun, light, sexy and airy, on a totally different level than a fully committed one.

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